Target selection process

I must confess that I am no counter terrorism expert. I train and prepare a lot more for Sammy Stickup than Johnny Jihad. But I’ve never understood the terrorist fascination with planes. Back when they could hijack a plane, try to get some jihadies released from prison (did they really do that, or was that just in the movies?), I could see it. But since we all expect them to blow them up anyway, why the focus?

This mall is a soft target compared to commercial aviation. You could place and explode bomb(s) here and not even have to die to do it. So why don’t they? I suspect it is because making bombs is hard and there aren’t nearly as many terrorists capable of pulling off the building, placing and detonating as some would have us believe. I’m not about to go anti-.gov conspiracy rant here. It is in the jihadies best interests for us to believe they are many. It’s in the media’s best interest for us to believe the threat is high so we’ll keep watching their news reports. It is in the .gov’s best interest (at least Homeland Security, CIA, FBI, TSA). Lots of conspiracy to go around then.

What to do if Johnny Jihad goes shopping

My basic plan for Johnny Jihad trying to blow up the mall I am in is to hope the blast isn’t near me and that I don’t get trampled to death by the fleeing horde. To that end I will share my two concrete pieces of advice for leaving a building that several hundred of your closest friends are also trying to leave.

First of all, mall stores are typically store fronts, meaning there is a store behind. If you go through a store you are likely to find tunnels/hallways in back that can lead you out of the mall while the rest of the crowd tries to get out through the general admission doors. I know the mall I often go to is like this because I used to work there. Some stores may not have access to the hallways, so you’d best know which ones do. Hint: The ones you saw being renovated, but never saw any equipment, men, or materials entering or leaving; they have secret tunnel access.

If you do have to exit a door which a crowd of others are trying to exit, you should politely wait your turn.. while you are either crushed to death by the crowd or shot, blown up or burned to death by Johnny and his friends. If that doesn’t sound too good, then go to the wall next to the door. Studies (which I can’t find now) show that the flow out the door moves faster at the sides than it does in the middle. So press in from the sides and you’ll get out the door faster. As a bonus, you may not get trampled because except for a few seconds, you won’t be standing in front of the door anyway. Think of it as cutting in line; the line of Life.

I’m pretty sure I know nothing about spotting Johnny Jihad before be goes kerplowey. This guy seems to know something about it (Warning: rough language). I can’t vouch for it, but I like anyone who gives me an easy to follow list of precursors to danger.

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Comments

  • Jennifer  On February 16, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    Or just shop online. Then you can avoid the soccer moms and the kerplowey.

  • DirtCrashr  On February 17, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Dang that’s some super-duper multi-mall!! I wouldn’t go there just because of the disease-transmission factor, not without my typhoid booster.
    I’m thinking the wall-egress lets you pivot into the steam to get out – if you’re in the middle of the stream/crush you could be lifted off your feet (or worse, the opposite).

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