Mall Ninja

Scott A. Smith, 37, of North Ridgeville allegedly packed a bag with a loaded 9-millimeter Glock, extra ammunition clips and four knives for his trip to the movie theater, according to


Smith was going to see Dark Knight Rises of course. Apparently a security guard became suspicious because of the bag and the position he chose to sit in at the theater. He arrived early and sat at the top with his back near the wall.  I do not grok this man nor the police spokesman.

The Bag. Why did he need a bag to carry his one gun, some magazines and a few knives? I can, and do, regularly carry a Glock 17, two extra magazines, and a couple of knives underneath (and sometimes in) a 5.11 dress shirt. Just for fun one day, I decided to see just how much I could carry and go out to dinner without any of it showing. Thanks to a shirt like this one along with my normal hip holster and appendix carry, the total was 4 handguns and 6 knives. We went out to dinner and no one but my wife knew what a nutjob I am. That was very uncomfortable and if there was a fight, it better have involved guns, because there was no way I could have moved enough for a fist fight. It was ridiculous, but possible to carry that load in public. He took a bag instead and for that reason I’m going to call this one: Mall Ninja.

The Position. He arrived early, drawing attention to himself anyway, and took a seat in the back of the theater with his back against the wall. Really I’m Ok with this. It doesn’t say, but he should have worried less about the wall and more about the emergency exit. I would sit near the exit I thought least likely to be stampeded by the crowd when the fecal matter hit the  oscillator.

The Police. Quotes by Westlake Police Lt. Ray Arcuri about Mr. Smith:

“What concerns us is where he was sitting in the theater,” Arcuri was quoted as saying. “If he chose to do something there, all his potential victims were in front of him and he had an advantage over them.”

Arcuri added: “When you consider the movie he was going to and what happened in Colorado, you have to wonder what would make him want to bring the weapons into that particular film. Our police officer did a great job spotting him.”

If I wanted to defend myself from any particular kind of emergency, I would definitely try to position myself where I had the advantage. It doesn’t matter if it is a crazed bad guy at the door, a wildfire, or a baby with explosive diarrhea. Position yourself so you get the least amount of icky stuff on you, that’s my philosophy. But yes, officer Arcuri, why would someone, in light of what happened in Colorado, want to bring weapons into that particular film? Gosh, I just can’t imagine. It totally escapes me. I’m trying to picture it.. nope nothing. I assume you took yours off a left it at home before going to the theater that day. For the children.

The why. This is the biggest reason I do not grok. I went to see Dark Knight Rises. It was awesome by the way. I have no idea how Christopher Nolan managed to produce three kick-ass Batman movies in a row without someone along the way (most likely Christian Bale or network execs) screwing it all up.  I think I’ve told this story before, but its a good one. I was going to buy a used gun from a guy I didn’t know at a truck stop next to the interstate. So I did what anyone should do in that situation, I took a friend. I also took my Glock which I take most days anyway. When I went to pick up my friend he was trying to decide if he should carry his pistol (No, I don’t understand that either). He asked me, “Are you expecting trouble?” I replied, “No, if I were expecting trouble I wouldn’t go.”  The Dark Knight Rises was awesome, and I’m glad I went to see it. But I could have waited until it came out on video. I have a huge-ass TV and surround sound. Would have been almost as good. If I thought what happened in Colorado was likely to happen at my theater I wouldn’t go. This guy was so convinced it was likely that he made preps for it in addition to whatever he normally does. If you find yourself doing that. Don’t go.

Both comments and trackbacks are currently closed.
%d bloggers like this: